Masturbation Myths

The history of masturbation contains many bizarre and hard to belief moments of misinformation. Whether it causes blindness, insanity, acne, or hair growth, masturbation has been both the most reviled and most commonly practiced sexual behavior on the planet. To this day many of us are raised believing certain myths about masturbation. If you’re still trying to separate fact and fiction consider these common myths and the facts that debunk them.
Masturbation is something you do when you're young, but then grow out of.In fact, masturbation is a life long sexual activity. Surveys regularly show that anywhere from 70 to 95% of adult men and women masturbate. And while this may slow down as we age, many of us continue masturbating into our golden years. One survey of 800 adults over 60 found that that 46% of them masturbated, another found that 20% of seniors masturbated once a week or more. Masturbation isn’t just for the young, nor is it an “immature” form of sexual behavior.
Masturbation isn't "real sex"; it's only for people who can't find a partner.Masturbation is real sex. When you masturbate you can get really aroused, which can result in very real orgasms. In North America, we put values on different sexual behaviors, but this has no basis in science. From a health perspective, masturbation is as “real” a sexual behavior as intercourse, oral sex, or kissing. And research shows that people in relationships masturbate, which contradicts the myth that masturbation is only for loners.
Masturbation is bad for your health. This myth originated with an anti-masturbation tract that was written in 1712 as a way to sell a bogus “tonic” that was supposed to stop the disease of “self-pollution”. Through the years there have been many colorful attempts to pathologize masturbation. They say it will make you go blind, it will give you acne, and it will grow hair on your palms. All claims that have been refuted by science. Today virtually all physicians and scholars agree that masturbation is harmless.
Masturbation is something men have to do, but women don’t “need” to.While most statistics show that men do masturbate more than women, there is no evidence to suggest this is due to some biological “need” on the part of men to masturbate. What is true is that social attitudes toward female masturbation are much more negative, and this likely impacts both women’s early masturbation and their willingness to report masturbating in a survey. There is no research to suggest that the desire to masturbate is tied to biological sex or even gender.
People in relationships don't masturbate.This common myth often drives people in relationships to masturbate in private hiding it from their partners. Survey research shows that people of all ages masturbate when they are in relationships. Kinsey’s survey found that almost 40% of men and 30% of women in relationships masturbated. A study of Playboy readers found that 72% of married men masturbated, and a study of Redbook readers found that 68% of married women masturbated.
Too much masturbation is bad for you.With very rare exceptions, frequent masturbation is not harmful. If an individual is compulsively masturbating or is unable to engage in any sexual behavior other than masturbation (and would like to), it is possible that there may be reason to consult a mental health professional. But masturbating, whether it is once a month, or three times a day, if it is part of a balanced sexual and social life, poses no specific risks.
Only certain kinds of people masturbate.Survey research debunks this myth that only certain people masturbate. Whether you are 19 or 99, religious and conservative or secular and liberal, whether you are a parent, grandparent, uncle or aunt, whether you get around on your own two legs or use a wheelchair, scooter, crutches, or roller-skates to get around, almost everyone has masturbated at some point in their lives, and most of us continue to do so.

Kisses,

Jesse~

10 Porn Star Tips

Whether you hate that your guy watches porn or opt to watch it with him, you always wonder about one thing: the mystique of the porn star. She's everything a good girl doesn't want to be — except in the bedroom. Wish you could mesmerize your man like his favorite video vixen?

1. Show a Little Enthusiasm, Baby!
Good Girl Approach: Many of us have been taught that sex is not a high priority, so when your guy wants to do the horizontal tango, you make excuses or treat it like another chore on your to-do list.
Porn Babe Secret: They enjoy what feels good without reservation — and they show their partners how excited they are by engaging them with their speech and movements. They understand that diving into the sack with someone who isn't into it is like sharing a "romantic" meal with someone who's watching television.
Tantalizing Tip: Take the initiative! Wake him up with a below-the-belt kiss. Send him a naughty text message midway through the day. In bed, get into the moment by looking into his eyes and telling him how eager you are to be with him.
2. Speak Up!
Good Girl Approach: Your sack sessions hardly leave you invigorated, but you're scared that any attempt to spice things up will make you seem like a tramp.
Porn Babe Secret: Toss the dated worries — liking sex doesn't make you a hussy; it makes you human. Tell him how much you enjoy it when he kisses that special spot, or mention something you're craving in the heat of the moment! Just asking for something new can be a huge turn-on for both partners.
Tantalizing Tip: Pop open a bottle of wine and initiate a little game of truth-or-dare. Or surprise him with a spicy flick and point out the scenes you'd be open to trying. There's a good chance he'd like to experiment, too, but is keeping it to himself because he doesn't want to offend you.
3. Love Those Thighs!
Good Girl Approach: You hate your hips, your backside is less than baby-smooth, blah, blah, blah.
Porn Babe Secret: They know that men love sex — he's absolutely thrilled when your thighs are wrapped around him, dimples and all. He would never forgo what feels good to accommodate something as silly as a body insecurity or two.
Tantalizing Tip: Illuminate the bedroom, living room or even kitchen with candles, which give a soft glow that glides over perceived imperfections. Give him the visualization he craves and get off (pun intended) on the fact that you are the reason for every moan and squirm your man makes!
4. Know Thyself!
Good Girl Approach: You find masturbation embarrassing or shameful, so you rarely try it (and never admit to it when you do).
Porn Babe Secret: Make like a seasoned porn babe and figure out what works for you by caressing your thighs, breasts and everything in between. Not knowing what feels good is like taking a cross-country road trip without a map!
Tantalizing Tip: If you're like many gals and the manual approach leaves you feeling less than thrilled, simply find something else to tickle your fancy. After a few solo sessions, bring your man into the action for a steamy one-on-one lesson.
5. Get a New Bedtime Script!
Good Girl Approach: Your pillow talk doesn't get much racier than a few "oh, baby's" tossed in with a few "you feel so good's."
Porn Babe Secret: Men are competitive by nature, and they love to know they are the best at whatever it is they're doing, including you. Porn babes know that just hearing a female verbally tap into the action is enough to make him explode.
Tantalizing Tip: Get comfy with the saucy talk by writing down some sexy thoughts and reading them out loud alone a few times. In bed, start small by giving him a play-by-play of the action, telling him what he's doing to you or asking questions such as, "Do you like it when I [insert verb here] you?"
6. Get a Little Uncomfortable!
Good Girl Approach: Your weekend look of sweats and ponytails has become as fun as your weekly date with the treadmill. Sound exciting? Yeah, we didn't think so.
Porn Babe Secret: Men are visual creatures (that's why porn babes are in business!). These gals work this to their advantage and don sexy lingerie and even (gulp!) keep their heels on during the deed, all to enhance the experience.
Tantalizing Tip: Slip on a thong underneath your yoga pants, or meet him at home in nothing but heels and a great hairdo. Surprising him with something new will show him that he's worth the effort, which will spark his heart as well as his, um, interest.
7. Come On, Gals, Fantasize!
Good Girl Approach: You'd never admit to daydreaming about being intimate with two men or kissing another woman, even if you do — and the thought of your man having a sex dream about Heidi Klum in bed is enough to bring you to tears.
Porn Babe Secret: They do things most of us wouldn't, but the lesson is in their approach, not in their actions. They don't judge the desires of their partners or take offense at what turns them on. Just because your guy fantasizes about a threesome doesn't mean he doesn't love you or even that he would want to participate in one in real life. As long as the boundaries of your relationship are maintained, fantasizing is healthy aspect of sexuality.
Tantalizing Tip: Try verbal exploration! Talk him through a threesome or ask him to pretend he's a stranger. Sharing these kinds of experiences will not only spark amazing sex, but they will also build trust and intimacy, which is always sexy. Discuss boundaries beforehand (some couples have a code word to signal the other to stop when acting out scenarios), and remember, comfort is key, so don't participate in anything that makes you uncomfortable.
8. Get Creative with the Merchandise!
Good Girl Approach: You have an idea of what works for your guy, which is why you do it again and again and…
Porn Babe Secret: They know their partner has dozens of hot buttons — from his toes to the back of his neck — and that half the fun is finding out what works and what doesn't.
Tantalizing Tip: Gently pinch or bite his nipples or kiss his chest and stroke his stomach gently with your nails. When you go below-the-belt, pay attention to all parts of the package by gently tracing his scrotum with your tongue or pressing on his perineum (the area between his penis and his anus).
9. Be a Little Selfish!
Good Girl Approach: You're tired and overworked, and you haven't been to the gym in ages. You'd love to get your hair done and take that Spinning class, but you promised you'd run errands for your sister (again).
Porn Babe Secret: While good girls are taught to deprive themselves, porn babes make self-maintenance a high priority.
Tantalizing Tip: Whether it's a manicure, a blowout or just slathering on a luxurious cream before bed, do something that makes you feel and look good more than once a month. Feeling like you're worth the splurge will not only boost your confidence, it will make you glow — and that's hotter than any bustier on the market.
10. Stop Doing Favors!
Good Girl Approach: You perform oral sex as a "gift" for whatever special day, or tell him that if he's good, you'll let him try a new position.
Porn Babe Secret: Sexual desire is not a male-specific attribute, nor is it something that should be rationed. In fact, it's practically as essential to a full life as food, water and shelter. Porn babes do things they know their partner will enjoy, while asking for what they want in return.
Tantalizing Tip: No one wants to feel like they are being manipulated or treated like a charity case, so keep the bureaucracy out of the bedroom. Find out what your partner likes, and as long as you are comfortable with it, give it to him generously. The only "requirement" you should have is that he reciprocate on the same level. His taking out the trash isn't a reason to give him a blow job — your turning him on is.

Kisses,

Jesse~

Mutual Masturbation

Since when to masturbate you need to be alone? Knowingly, masturbation envelope experiencing in which point both genders rely on it at any rate likely to please themselves further. From lonesome practice at seclude places to big outdoors for mutual masturbation, gang-bang style. Conceivably, in that our male counterparts are bound to get an early breakthrough combined self-acknowledgement with hormonal workload increasingly production, as a result of slack up accessibility in all things sex, and of surroundings.
By the time the human male reach his teens, whereupon hormonal rampage is at peak performance, masturbation in turn improved further being more frequently relied on, enable hence self-acknowledgement while seeking heighten self-pleasure, aside from setting up the workframe for future partnership sex affairs. Masturbation most often perceptibly is male-oriented behavior still. But the same applies to the girls when it’s time for unveiling and heightening affective-sexual absolutely normal. What sets the boys apart from the girls masturbation-wise is subtlety, it’s the not so-loud antipodean as opposed to the boys’, which does not necessarily mean that they don’t do it, or wouldn’t relish figure of speech.
Certain reasons might render females more prone to this kind of behavior, namely, shame, or a fear of being repressed, punished, or under the spot in the streets, after all, this is so because girls would receive by popular demand stricter upbringing , whereupon the word sexuality, never comes cited anywhere near a respectable family heart. So far could end up by yearning acknowledgment from issues, qualms and queries, alongside hearsay between girlies, some hardwired information on the net, and being girlish for all we care. Therein another discrepancy lies between sexes with relation to their wavelength in peak reaching.
In men masturbation ripples about teenage as opposed to the women’s optimal-performance spurred at their thirties or thereabouts. At which point sexual hormones are, unlikely men’s, about to erupt as if oozing off out of their systems. On the rights to bear different genitalia, a man and a woman would follow their own personal approach while masturbating. Thus each would suffice personal sexual needs as due adequately. Everyone would come up with own personal stimulation-patterns likely to yield themselves pleasurable sensations the most. Broadly women seems to enjoy those circular motions of the finger going ever so gentle on the surroundings or even pressed up against the clitoral hood itself or rather the genital region squeezed onto a pillow or blanket mound. In going about sex-toy aided or any given device suitably shaped for shower time, likewise the jolly douche or shower head would ensure desirable pressure placed on the clitoris.
A man would bear no such secrets, he who is able to get his kicks by the simply rubbing and fretting on his manhood, in a rhythmically to and fro motion. That’s what puts circle jerk on the map. A bunch of women masturbating in front of a man or woman remains unheard off, whereas the boys would conduct it in on a daily need-basis instead.

Kisses,

Jesse~

Sex Life After Children

Today, the search for information about sexuality during the post-childbirth period becomes more and more frequent. This issue is usually brought to the doctor’s office along with fears, myths and doubts, which end up by increasing the couple’s anxiety.

According to most clinicians, the woman is able to have vaginal intercourse again one month after childbirth. That’s because at the moment of the labor a small cut at the opening of vagina (episiotomy) is made, to make the passage of the baby easier, which is sutured right after birth. The entire process of recovering takes about two weeks.

Most obstetricians agree that intercourse should be avoided during these first two weeks, to prevent an eventual rupture of the sutures, infections, bleeding and pain. After the first two weeks, although the process of recovering is almost finished, many women had reported stories of extreme pain and discomfort. Thus, clinicians usually recommend abstinence until the occasion of a post-birth exam, which is performed thirty days after childbirth, when a physical exam is executed, as well as family planning, when the couple is about to choose a birth control method. Same procedures are taken in case of having a baby by the cesarean method. Moreover, it’s noticed that many women lose their interest for sex during the first two or three months and then start to show sexual desire again. This new stage in the life of the couple is very delicate, and it’s worth a lot of attention and understanding.

The woman naturally has her attention and concern focused on her baby. Her daily routine is changed. She now tends to dedicate all of her time to the newly born toddler: feeding him/her, cleansing him/her, taking care of him/her, most of the time she even leaves aside taking care of herself. So she ends up by dedicating a very short time to her partner too, who’s basically also stunned with the arrival of the newest family member, but soon he starts to show interest in retaking the sexuality of the couple, however in some cases feeling rejected, refused.

Several factors may interfere on the retaking of the couple’s sexuality. Myths such as the vagina of a woman who had a baby by the normal method becoming too loose, or the man having to avoid sucking the woman’s nipple because it may sour the milk. Those myths still are common among people that lack proper information. The duality woman-lover Vs. woman-mother viewed by the partner who can’t disassociate these two images is also common due to religious convictions. The woman’s self-esteem concerning her image (when the woman sees herself just as a mother but not as a woman), post-childbearing depression, traumatic obstetrical experiences (psychological factors) are aspects which turn the retaking of the relationship very hard to accomplish.

At any rate, since it’s all a delicate situation, it’s important to maintain an open dialogue channel. It’s essential to clear up all doubts and fears with the help of professionals, books and articles about the subject, to promote a restart in the sexual life of the couple. Thus, it’s important that when retaking their sexual life, the couple should keep calm and patience. The use of lubricants may be helpful in the first sexual intercourse. When it comes to sexuality, we should always keep in mind that sex is a relation of affection and not just an act of penetration. It calls for maturity, respect, and knowing yourself and your partner, alongside will power to break some obstacles and doubts that might appear along the way.

Kisses,

Jesse~

Sexual Seniors part 2

In writing about sex for elderly people, enables us to ponder about something wonderful. Why sexuality translates an idea of life, way of life, of perceiving and connecting to the surrounding world? All of our aspirations, desires are intrinsically connected to our sexuality.
In addition, for the sake of ageing, why not devising an elderly couple dating, enjoying a kiss, a hug, reaching out for the synchrony of tenderness, to live up sexuality that is, and sex makes presence in any phase of life. Restrictions or any given factor certainly can decrease the capacity, the sexual intensity, but stops existing for the sake of ageing, never ever should such a thought permeate the minds of humans.
Nonetheless, this taken from where the last issue left out is meant for describing further the five approached categories.
Sexual boredom- whenever loss of interest in sex occurs. As a result of a sexual relation not being taken further than the stage of submissive indulgence or the physical necessity of sexual tension relief or even both. Much as there can developed from a relation whose sexual component isn't mature, or didn't follow the other phases of relationship.
The sexual tedious' major compliant stems from the fact that the female partner no longer sees use for working something out. The reasons leading to all this boredom, might've been lost along the way, with demanding kids, or any other combination of alienating interests. An elderly man's ego is especially vulnerable to rejection, whether real or illusory.
Financial and professional concerns- most men ranging between 40 to 60's are about competitive peak in their activities and end up by being sunken in. Aren't we all prone to a bad hair day? All influences for a bad sexual performance of both men and women.
Physical and Mental fatigue- it'd play major role in the devolution of male sexuality. By hampering male sexual response. Gradually as one gets older, anything demands a great deal of energy in that lack of sexual response. Such sensibility of the male sexuality to the mental fatigue is one of the major discrepancies between a middle-aged man and a younger one.
Physical and mental diseases- incidence appears abruptly around the forties and thereabouts.
The fear of failure- once impotent by any given circumstance a great many men voluntarily retire from any sexual activity. Therein lies the fear of a lax sexual performance. Instead of pulling a brave face in confront to repetitive episodes of sexual inaptness.
Sexual rapport should be constantly checked, adding to physical well being and a good mental approach to the ageing process. All of which would only contribute further to the ambiance of sexual stimulation within marriage.
Achieving all that sex can bring about sound as if intending to get as far as the 80's and over taken the most out of owns' sexuality.

Kisses,

Jesse~

Sexual Seniors

Every time sex tops the sexual agenda, two young studs spring into mind. It's pointless saying otherwise, for what we think of sexuality and sex comes down to youth. Most of times, a young couple emulates our ideal of sexual intercourse.
Hardly ever a couple of elderly would be envisaged referring to sex. So why this happens? After all, ageing signifies absence of sexuality, of sex altogether or all the way around.
Sexuality in the best age gets left behind as neglected by modern society that overlooks it entirely if anything.
It only leads to misinformation and misnomers for those involved in. Even the doctors themselves avoid talking about sexuality with their elderly patients. Knowingly, it renders dialogue even harder mainly with that elderly patient curious about his/hers sexual life.
Individuals vary in their entire bio-psychosocial context, and that isn't anything new. As time goes by, that too, factors of our vital-cycle would alter. And so sexuality, much like the motto of our lives, would suffer its particularities along the years.
Doubtless, sexual response tends to decrease with ageing, but won't fade away unlikely what many people think. And, afterwards, if heighten degrees of sexuality are kept from early stage, surely, no interference of none physical impairment whether acute or chronicle. The elderly are capable of continuing some form of sexual expression actively until around 70 and even 80 years of age.
Even though, sexual activity has been avoided for long periods, adequate stimulation is what counts.
Sexual responsiveness turns arbitrary, being defined by certain medical terms. Namely, degree of sexual tension, capacity to rapport sexual affair, capacity to finish sexual intercourse with ejaculation, current history of masturbation or nocturnal thrush.
There's a great difference between patterns of response of a middle-aged man and those gone beyond 60's. Thus, the difference reflects on this man as the loss of sexual tension level and reduced reactive intensity during sexual congress. The sexual capacity and performance of an elderly person are directly influenced by some acute or chronicle enfeeblement, as well as the physiological decay itself.
Nonetheless, it's quite possible, that the major influence in sexual response of elderly, being inherent of the social sexual environment where this person has dwelled all his/hers sexual formation.
Certain physical conditions and even psychic influences rebound on the sexual response of elderly folks, in a progressive way. It takes good understanding once all this batch of influences and conditions imply in comprehension and treatment of geriatric sexual problems.
There go five categories, which exert strong influence on sexual response of elderly people.
As follows, monotony of a repetitive sexual relation; translated as tiredness of sex partner.
Preoccupation with professional and financial activities.
Mental and physical fatigue.
Fear of performance as consequence or linked to any given category.

Kisses,

Jesse~

Sex Affinity

When two matters bearing plastic capability, such as wax or clay, get blended in, are tended to merger into shape by the slightest pressure applied. No sexual puns intended.
On the same token, each element deforms the other, which in turn would get deformed. Both surfaces while in contact would come together ultimately from head to toe and bit by bit. The same applies to two human figures, whenever there’s absence of any significant emotional and muscular strain. So what’s with sexual approach?
What’s in sex for those into moments so intimate? If there’s ever any strain, the two bodies could barely entwine and would hardly adapt into each other.
As it so happens, coming to think of two uneven solids placed alongside each other. Hence the likelihood of both areas in effective contact being significantly smaller, therefore the “acknowledgement” that one object would bear of the other might be extremely limited.
Wilhelm Reich attributed to the “muscular armor of the persona” important properties elsewhere. By and large people got used to say that their innermost would not be moved by their looks, being it “molded” because of others’. Some went as far as claiming that their own “physical frame” got nothing to do with themselves. After all there might be a certain outlook and another inwards. Incidentally, when it comes to letting it all hang out, in the best of it, when the “visage” comes undone in all of a sudden, they can’t help simply falling over themselves. That’s exactly what happens when getting shockingly news. Otherwise if tripped over and go off balance. Upon sudden shock or fall, there’s the impression gathered that our “innerself” is not there.
The dissipation of the so-called” shield”, yet the soothing of muscular strains that’s consisted of our demeanors, comes followed by some gradual yield of self-consciousness. Any one lives up on a regular basis this experience by the patterns of sleep inducement. By the same rate that we’re getting ourselves wrapped into sleep, our muscles turn limber, and meantime, we loose consciousness.
According to Reich, while at sexual intercourse so much could happen likewise. If sex turns out really satisfactorily, stroke exchanging would by all means come followed by the soothing of strains and the loss of self-consciousness, so far vanishes thoroughly any sense of acumen throughout orgasmic shuddering.
Most people would react to those sensations as if under threat of a great danger, the danger of psychological dismantling, by the annihilation of “innerself”. If people happen to brace themselves strongly fended against this so-called “threat”, and so love turned out to be such a inglorious pursue, in which the defeat is bound to the “offender” much to the “offended”.
The give and take of themselves means letting go, by a split second, the hostile world through which our “bodyframe” was cased. Furthermore, hailing in a cozy corridor, balmy, tender and overwhelming.
Such is the depth of emotional insight as boastfully provided by their sexual rapport, when spawns in its full range of motion.
Actually, why is that a great many people out there fears of letting themselves in for loving affairs? Grounded on the studies conducted by Reich there could be envisaged that the response to this questioning not lies in each individual taken separately, so much as the society itself and the sate of affairs it dictates the personality framework of ilk.

Kisses,

Jesse~

Tip on Having Good Sex

It's more than giving her an orgasm and performing oral sex on him.

If you want to have good sex, make that great sex, first you need to feel good about yourself. That includes your body and your mind. Then you need to let your partners feel good about themselves.

Now, I know many of you read Cosmo (and don't tell me you don't). You know, the women's magazine with the Top (fill in the number) lists on "How to Please Your Man," "How to Please Yourself," "How to (you name the sex topic)." You can make all the jokes you want, but the one thing we can agree on is those lists get right to the point.

For instance, here are the 10 sizzling secrets of Women Who Love Sex.

I can switch on my sex drive.
Sensually supercharged women don't wait around patiently for the mood to strike. Instead, they set in motion the sex-psyching strategies that work for them every time. They conjure up a fantasy. Another libido-lifting trick is to wake up your senses: Spritz on your man's cologne, brush satiny fabric against your skin, or suck on some fruit. "Taking time to engage each sense — touch, taste, sound, scent, and sight — will quickly kick-start your lust drive.


My body is my pleasure palace.
A desire diva doesn't waste time fretting about stubble and cellulite or wishing she didn't take so long to climax. Instead, she sees herself as a carnal conduit loaded with sensual capabilities. How did these chicks become so aware of their pleasure points? Chances are, they'll credit masturbation.


I know I'm a sex goddess.
Long ago, I learned that men are turned on by a woman who is uninhibited about her sexuality. My current beau would rather date a confident woman with an imperfect figure than a 36-24-36 chick who's too timid to show her shape.

The tricky thing about sexual confidence, as any carnal cowgirl will admit, is that you need a little to begin with before it can blossom into a natural part of your passion personality. So how do you start? "Fake it at first — that's what I did," admits Bari, a 25-year-old designer. "My now-boyfriend was a coworker of mine whom I had a massive crush on. So I mentally made over my attitude from mousy staffer to office tramp, asked him out for a beer, and let my inner sex goddess loose. Six months of incredible action later, I still haven't reined in that attitude."


I speak up for myself in the sack.
Men love to please. But even the most perceptive guy in the world won't have your moan zones all mapped out. Tell your partners how you like to be touched.

If you're not used to being so erotically expressive, clue in your man by praising his sexual performance. Compliment him on what he does do well, then add a subtle suggestion: "It turns me on so much when you kiss my breasts, I'd go wild if you put your hand between my legs too."


It's not if I have an orgasm — it's how.
Women who ooze erotic energy don't view their Big O as a lucky bonus. Instead, reaching the pleasure pinnacle is their right. Men don't consider it sex unless they have an orgasm.

"I wish every woman would tattoo I deserve great sex on her brain," says Gina Ogden, Ph.D., author of Women Who Love Sex. "Sexual satisfaction is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you don't expect to be peeled off the ceiling, it won't happen." So start believing that every-time orgasms aren't elusive rewards reserved for select women — they're yours for the taking.


I've mastered one signature sex move.
Mastering at least one unique, naughty-but-nice move can morph you from a hot-and-heavy lover to holy moly! sex-partner status. But you don't have to focus on his G-rated hot spots alone or a specific sexual act. Your signature style can be about invoking an entire mood: sweetly simple, daring and dirty, or pushing the erotic envelope.


I get to know his secret desires.
Sexually charged chiquitas know that ecstasy is much more exciting when you skip the paint-by-numbers passion plan. There's nothing hotter than getting to know your partner and finding out which unique moves get him going. He'll be blown away by having a willing woman explore his secret desires.

Taking the time to experiment with new caresses and positions won't just make your guy grovel, it'll expand your idea of what's sexy.


I never let sex get stale.
As soon as sex loses its erotic edge, the "in-the-know babes" have to take fast action. They'll view steamy videos, try a sex toy, leaf through triple-X magazines, act out a secret fantasy, make love in a different location, or test-drive a scorching new position — almost anything in the pursuit of greater pleasure with their partner. To keep the heat in your relationship on high, vow to sample something naughty yet new at least once a week: Surprise your guy by doing the deed in the shower, read erotic books, or duck away from a party into an empty bedroom for a mischievous quickie.


I'm passionate 24-7.
Sexuality is a round-the-clock activity, not an isolated act you do in 20-minute stretches. "Great lovers integrate desire into everything they do so they feel sensuous all day long," says Susan Crain Bakos, author of Sexational Secrets: Erotic Advice Your Mother Never Gave You.


Sex is at the top of my to-do list.
Girls who love sex never make those tired, same-old excuses — "I got my period"; "I had a stressful day"; "I feel sooo fat" — for why they can't hit the sheets. Instead, passion is number one on their to-do lists, and they know that erotic action is the best cure for cramps, stress, and the blues. "Once you put off pleasure, it becomes easier and easier to postpone, and pretty soon you're out of the habit," explains Bakos. "It can be hard to get back in the sexual swing of things once your sensual switches have been turned off."

So even if you're not wildly turned on, you'll be doing yourself a favor by slipping into a sensuous state of mind.

Kisses,

Jesse~

10 Must Have Sex Tools

Every bedroom should contain a "treasure chest" (lockable if you've got children around) containing your own spicy set of pleasure and foreplay enhancers. The following should be readily available:

1) Lubricants and massage oils. If you're using condoms use only water-based types. Oil-based lubes can damage condoms. Also, be careful to avoid getting any oil inside the vagina. This may cause irritation.

2) Sex toys you enjoy.

3) A blindfold -- preferably of soft, satiny material for comfort.

4) Erotica to read to each other or films you find stimulating.

5) Stockings or soft ties for bondage play and a pair of handcuffs.

6) A feather or "brush" for playful touching.

7) Little sexy surprises for your lover. A silky thong, some surprise stockings, fun chocolates or "love dice."

8) Dental dams, plastic wrap, and condoms for safer sex. Don't forget some latex gloves for sensual stimulation of the anal area without scratching your lover with your nails.

9) A box of luxury tissues and/or a soft cloth for "cleaning up."

10) And in the fridge, erotic edibles that you love, such as cream, yogurt, jam, sauces, honey and jelly. You'll find that sticky things such as jelly and honey feel fabulous on the genitals when gently warmed. Test the temperature on your inner wrist and then smooth it on and lap it off.

Kisses,

Jesse~

Having Multiple O's

It seems that everyone is talking about multiple orgasms these days. What's more is that it's almost assumed that men have the necessary skills and abilities to give a woman an “O” again and again. There's a lot of pressure today for men to perform well and to know how to give a girl what she wants.For some women multiple orgasms are like candy: they're addictive, sweet and very satisfying. Orgasms that occur in succession, a steady stream of one after the other, are called the “serial multiple.” The “sequential orgasm” can be like a roller coaster ride interspersed with peaks and lulls with a few minutes between each incredible burst of ecstasy. Orgasms can also be like scaling Mount Everest, a continuous buildup to one incredible peak.

All forms of orgasms are attainable, but it is up to the woman's biology and preference to do so. It is folly to assume that she wants to ride that roller coaster or just scale Everest once in an evening. It is very important to communicate with her about what she wants and desires. Talk to her, listen to her and let her know that you want to pleasure her in the ways she wants. If she does want serial and/or multiple orgasms, keep reading and put yourself in the know.Create An AtmosphereHer comfort is paramount. In order for her to have a night of peaks, she'll need to surrender herself to the experience, and she'll need to be at ease to do so. You can help calm her mind and quell her inhibitions with a little environmental preparation that's sure to put her on the road to sexual bliss. Clean sheets, downy pillows, tissues by the bed, soft lighting, and subtle scents in the air will aid in creating that easy atmosphere. Take a few minutes to clean your pad, take a shower and shave before she arrives. Also, set your cell phone to silent or turn it off. Finally, if she is a new or newer lover; cut the cord and remove any pictures that remain of your ex.Sweet-Talk HerWhile her body rests from its latest mind-blowing peak, keep the momentum and energy going with your mouth, mind, lips, and tongue. OK, you could go down on her, but I'm talking about keeping her mind sexually engaged and her body humming with sweet words. You will be able to maintain her physical desire if you describe and tell her how amazing she feels, how incredible she looks as she explodes, and how she's driving you insane with her beautiful body. Be creative and inventive with your words. Women enjoy feeling a strong and firm grip on their body, so take hold of her as you ready her body for yet another orgasm. She'll appreciate your pillow talk and physical desire. The sexier and more comfortable she feels, the more she'll let go.Try Different VariationsIf you know the kind of stimulation she likes, such as clitoral, vaginal or G-spot, it may be wise to keep it that way and just change the position or technique. For example, if your girl achieved her last orgasm quickly and easily through clitoral stimulation, hit the same trigger, but try a different angle or speed. This will effectively aid her in reaching another intense orgasm. Conversely, if she has received a lot of clitoral stimulation she may want a break from being constantly massaged or manipulated. In this case, a vaginal or G-spot rub may hit the spot. Understand that after orgasm some women may experience an almost uncomfortably or unbearably sensitive clitoris. She may not want continued touching in that area. When and if this occurs, attend to another sweet spot while her bundle of nerves recovers. Here, communication continues to be a key point.Make It About HerHelp her to understand that the night is all about her pleasure. Make her feel that you have the entire night to devote to her satisfaction. Pay no attention to the time it takes. Your patience will have multiple payoffs, but if she feels rushed, she will be less inclined to relax and feel comfortable -- feelings that are not conducive to achieving multiples orgasms. An excellent way to emphasize how much you enjoy making her feel good and to show her that it really is “all about her” is to bring her to orgasm before penetration. She will feel that you really do want her to reach great heights throughout the night, and that you consider your satisfaction secondary -- don't worry, when's she has had enough you'll get yours.Multiple MiraclesRemember: Orgasms are for her all night. If she wants a lot of little explosions or one huge inferno, it is for her to decide. This isn't the time to flex your sexual prowess and try to make your woman come over and over if she doesn't want to -- she might prefer the one peak. Remember that the goal is her satisfaction, not your ego's inflation by hearing her scream out repeatedly. Just listen to her or ask. Don't assume that you know what she wants and how she wants it. Take your time and satisfaction will be had.

Kisses,

Jesse~

Deciding to have Anal Sex

It happens in nearly every lover's lifetime. You'll be asked to do it or you'll want to do it. Whatever your decision, do it safely.
What is it about anal sex that makes us squirm? People pretend they don't do it when they do and many of us clam up because we don't. Anal sex is the last sexual act we find embarrassing to talk about. It's no good being shy about anal sex because most men want to try it, most women are asked to do it, or want to do it and both sexes love it regardless of sexual orientation.
So, why the embarrassment whenever the subject is broached? Is it because of what comes out of our bottoms on a daily basis or because many women's experience of anal sex is an impromptu and painful probe by an overexcited boyfriend?
With the right lover, at the right time, and with lots of time to play around, anal sex is a turn on for many couples. It can be orgasmically and emotionally very intense and, like oral sex, has a special intimacy. More than any other sexual act, it requires a certain amount of trust on both sides. If your partner does ask for the unmentionable, stand firm if it doesn't appeal. That old chestnut, 'You'd do it if you loved me', isn't good enough as a persuasion technique for back-door lovin'. Anal sex can be very painful and traumatic if a partner is reluctant.
Just because you don't want to do it, doesn't mean you are 'frigid' or a sexual fuddy-duddy. Anal sex is not for everyone. If your partner would like to do it but the thought has you clenching your buttocks like a wrench, don't feel inadequate. Introduce something else into your sex life that hasn't been tried before, like a new position.

Practising safe sex:
The skin that lines the rectum is very delicate and more prone to irritation or scratching than the vaginal wall. For finger penetration a partner should wear a latex glove with plenty of lubricant.
Extra strong condoms are essential for the prevention of STDs, HIV and hepatitis during anal intercourse. It is much easier to transmit disease, especially HIV, during anal intercourse because the tissue is easily torn and can give semen direct access to the bloodstream. If you are using a sex toy for penetration, slip a condom and lubricant onto it.
Do not use ribbed or textured condoms. They can irritate and tear rectal tissue. Store condoms in a cool dry place away from light and always check the expiry date.
Lubrication is essential. Use thick, water-based lube such as KY Jelly, Senselle or Replens. Do not use perfumed oils, or oil-based lubricants such as Vaseline as these can cause severe irritation and weaken condoms. Also, avoid anything that contains nonoxynol-9, as it can cause allergies and increase your risk of catching STDs.

Getting ready
Some people who are heavily into anal sex like to have an enema two hours beforehand. It's up to you. But a squeaky clean bottom is a definite prerequisite for playing around in that area. So are short, trimmed and filed nails.
An enema is a douche of the anal canal and rectum. Bulb syringe enemas are the most commonly used and can be bought from most chemists. It is not a good idea to have enemas too frequently as they can stress the rectum and cause colitis. Cover wherever you're doing it with a large towel. It can get messy.

Take a deep breath and begin
Never coax or pressure a partner into having anal sex. Respect his or her wishes.
Go slowly and be gentle. Start out with some stress-free sex play. The more aroused you both are, the more enjoyable the experience will be. Stimulation of the clitoris is a must for anal sex, otherwise entry can feel a bit 'cold.'
The penetrator must reassure his partner that she is in charge. The giver may feel that he or she will hurt the receiving partner and needs to be reassured as the action proceeds that it feels good - so communicate.
Relax. Deep breathing helps. Don't tense the buttocks. This will make entry painful.
Don't be shy; tell your partner what you want.
Once you're relaxed, put some lube in your anus and find a position that's comfortable. All the positions for vaginal sex are suitable for anal penetration. You can be on your back with your legs in the air or on the insertive partner's shoulders, on all fours (this requires less bending of the rectum), or you can sit on top of your partner, which gives you more control.
Take it easy and avoid sudden jerky movements, until you get used to it.
When withdrawing make sure your partner holds onto the base of the condom to prevent it slipping off.
If you feel a desperate urge to go to the loo - start running. It's normal.
Anal myths
Regular anal sex does not mean you will eventually lose control of your anal muscles and your dignity. The perineal muscles support the area between the anus and the genitals and include the pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles). These support the pelvis from the pubic bone to the tailbone. They contract for men and women during sex. Both sets of muscles work with the sphincter muscles around your anus and can be exercised.
The muscles you contract to try to stop peeing are your PC muscles and can be contracted on a deep breath and relaxed on exhale. Do about 100 repetitions a day. Or, take a deep breath and this time tighten and release your muscles about ten times and then exhale. Twenty sets a daily.
A final word:

The golden rule is desire: only have anal sex if you really want to do it.

Kisses,

Jesse~

10 tips for better oral sex

Get lewd with food
Watching a woman lick his penis is just about every guy's idea of heaven. Watching a woman lick cream/honey/yoghurt off his penis sends him to sexual nirvana. Smear it, drip it on and lick it off.Food is such a versatile sex toy that the possibilities are endless. Whipped cream? Been there. Go all out with raspberry syrup, mangoes, berries and chocolate sauce, all at once if you fancy it! Most foods (with the exception of spicy ones) are safe to smear on the outside of the genitals, but be a little careful with oily foods if you're using condoms, since oil breaks down latex.
Do it somewhere daring
Getting oral sex while driving fast along a motorway in a convertible is a typical teenage boy's fantasy. But when you're younger, you tend not to think things like: 'If he's having an orgasm, he's not exactly paying attention to driving?, or 'This could be fun but could also kill us.'
Therefore, a lesser, but no less appealing, version of this is to casually reach across the car, unzip and expose him, then dispense a leisurely hand job that keeps him standing at attention but doesn't bring him to climax. Shift to using your mouth when you arrive at your destination.
Other places to go down on him that are daring but a little less so: in the bathroom at a party, on a balcony with his top half in view but you hidden, and up against the front door inside your apartment when he was previously on his way out the door to work.
Lick it like it's a lollipop
This one is often used in porn films because it allows him to see exactly what's going on. It's best done on your knees and, depending on your heights, he might need to stand on something (you need direct access to his testicles).
Start by lifting his penis to expose his testicles, then find the line that runs up between them (it's a tiny ridge that's often a darker colour). Find where this starts on the underside of his testicles, and that's where the long lick starts, continuing, very slowly, right to the tip of his penis. Repeat the full-length licks until you've done at least 10, then move into one of the other techniques.
Go all the way
Begin the oral sex by covering your teeth with your lips and then taking as much of him in your mouth as you can, in one wonderful movement. I'm not saying you have to 'deep throat.' Just let him see his penis disappear rapidly. Most women start by licking the head, then take him little by little inside. He won't be expecting a full-length shaft swallow right away, which is why it works so well to impress him!
Fisting for nice girls
Use one hand to hold the base of the penis, and let saliva pool in your mouth (your tongue needs to keep him nice and slippery). Make a loose fist with your other hand and slide it up and down his penis, closing it when you reach the head.
Get the hand motion right first, then add your mouth, letting your hand act as an extension of it. Create a snug vacuum (but don't suck), then slide up and down, your hand following your mouth. If you're not the most coordinated person, hold your hand still at the base of the penis and simply move your mouth up and down.

Add oomph
Spice up any oral technique by adding the 'twist and swirl'. The combination of firm fingers and a soft tongue feels fantastic, and it's easy to master. As you're using your hand to masturbate him, twist it slightly once it reaches the head.
At the same time, swirl the flat of your tongue around the rim of the head. It's a simple but oh-so-effective move! Also try frenulum flicks. Use a tensed tongue to flick it, or make like a butterfly and 'flutter' your tongue on his frenulum.
Star in his favourite porn
Love it or hate it, one of the reasons why men are so fond of pornography is that it's so over-exaggerated. Add erotic flair to your repertoire by kissing him while you're both standing up, then dropping to your knees rather dramatically.
Use one hand to guide his penis into your mouth, then, maintaining intense eye contact throughout, reach up with both hands to tweak his nipples. The 'Look, no hands!' pose looks far more accomplished than it is, but it will score you big oral sex brownie points. If you want to rate off the scale, follow it up with this next little number.
Back him up
As he's getting undressed, lie on the bed with your head where your feet usually go, rather than perched on the pillows. As he walks toward the bed, slide down so your head is hanging over the bed, grab his buttock cheeks and take his penis into your mouth.
Your head should be off the bed as you give him oral sex upside down. He's ultimately in control of the thrusting, but you can use your hands as a guide to speed him up or slow him down. Not only does this look sexy, but it also opens your throat wide so you can take in more of him without gagging.
Ball games
The greatest compliment you can give him is looking like you want to be down in that area. And one of the best ways to demonstrate this is to explore all of it. Take one or both testicles in your mouth, hum lightly, suck gently and swirl your tongue around them. Note: If you don't want to swallow when he ejaculates, switching to testicle stimulation while continuing to stimulate him with your hand is a good alternative. Also, lick his perineum (between his testicles and anus), and while you're down there...
Give him 'analingus'
Oral anal stimulation that involves licking, flicking or inserting a stiff tongue into the anal passage and thrusting feels great (for both sexes, actually), because the area is highly sensitive and loaded with nerve endings. If you're worried about germs or STDs, or if you're generally squeamish, put a barrier between the area and you, such as a piece of plastic wrap or a cut-open condom.
Lots of guys love this, but many are too shy to tell you. So pretending it's your favourite thing to do (even if it isn't) takes care of that without awkwardness. If you like doing it, well, he has to indulge you, doesn't he?

Kisses,

Jesse~

Buying Sex Toys

Want to take your love life from zero to sexy? Then let's talk toys! I'll explain why a sex shop is an even better place to splurge than your most-loved shoe store. Plus, I've compiled a list of woman-friendly favorite products you'll love.
Shopping for sex toys is one of the few areas of sexual experimentation where women are far more adventurous than men. Yes, it's shopping (which explains a lot), and we're suckers for anything shiny, pink and playful, which many sex toys are. But most importantly, for a number of us, the humble vibrator is also our most reliable means of orgasm.
Men, on the other hand, are slightly more apprehensive: They tend to see vibrators as "replacements," rather than supplements, to a sex life. It's true that our buzz buddies do occasionally help us achieve orgasms more efficiently than our partner. However, there are still good reasons why he should be smiling supportively when you walk through the front door with an oddly shaped parcel in a discreet, dark bag (looking like the cat that swallowed the canary). After all, sex toys are, just as the name suggests, toys, things to play with for a bit of fun ‑- and have fun you will.

Choosing a Sex Shop

Pick a place to suit your mood: A sleazy shop if you're feeling down and dirty or a "posh" shop if you want to go a swankier route. If you're paranoid that his mother or your nosy big sister will be walking down the street as you head in or out of the store, choose one in an area they're unlikely to visit. If you get caught by friends and they look at all shocked, just laugh and launch into a funny story of what happened in there; it will make them look prudish while you and your partner appear liberated and terribly cool.
Picking Out Your Products
Research suggests that around 10 percent of adults use sex toys regularly, but I'd put that figure much higher. In fact, about 60 percent of my girlfriends own at least one vibrator (not to mention all the other stuff they're not admitting to). You can go online to decide on your toys of choice, of course, if you're shy (and yes, they will arrive in unmarked packaging, not a box that screams "10-inch throbbing dildo!"). But I'd highly recommend that you and your guy visit a reputable sex shop together ‑- even if you just go once ‑- simply because you can hold and touch the products. It's also a naughty, sexy bonding experience that might turn you both on more than you can imagine! But since both ways of shopping can be very intimidating and overwhelming, I've compiled a list of favorite things to get you started:

Vibrators: Every woman's best friends, vibrators come in all shapes and sizes, from tiny buzzing "lipsticks" to enormous, penis-shaped devices. Narrow the selection by deciding what you want from yours: If it's for masturbation and you prefer penetration with clitoral stimulation, go for one of the "Rabbits," as featured in Sex and the City, a penis-shaped vibrator with a clitoral attachment. "Wand" vibrators, small cylindrical vibrators that you hold against the clitoris, are also great and ideal for use during intercourse. For more powerful vibration on the clitoris, opt for one that looks like a back massager, large with a big rounded head, such as the Hitachi Magic Wand.
The small, hard plastic ones offer better vibration, while the jellylike rubber or silicone varieties have weaker vibration but feel nicer. Make sure you get one with variable speed. Test how quiet it is, and be sure it's waterproof if you want to use it in the bath or shower. You'll also find "gadget"-type vibrators, ones with and without remote controls that are disguised as everyday objects. Such models are fun ‑- but only in addition to, not in place of staple purchases.
Dildos: These are basically imitation penises that come in a range of sizes. The difference between a dildo and a vibrator is that dildos don't vibrate. Usually made of rubber, they're sometimes "S" shaped for G-spot stimulation. If you like the feeling of fullness, they're good to insert during oral sex. You'll also see strap-on versions called harnesses. By attaching them to your body, you can transform female into male instantly: the ultimate gender-bender. These are handy for lesbians who like penetration, for men who are into anal penetration and for fantasy role-play. Some harnesses have a second dildo which fits inside the vagina or anus.
Nipple Clamps: S & M devotees adore these because they create the sensation of pinching and pain. The rest of us look at them, think Ouch! and move back to the warm, fuzzy vibrator section.
Pelvic Floor Toners: The more toned your vaginal muscles are, the better sex will be for both of you since you'll be able to grip his penis tighter. You can rhythmically squeeze the muscles, doing repetitive sets called Kegel exercises without inserting one of these gadgets. But having something to grip increases the odds that you're doing the exercises correctly. Most pelvic floor toners resemble tiny barbells. They're highly recommended after childbirth but handy for anyone, really.
Penis Rings: He slips one of these rubber, leather or metal rings onto a flaccid or semierect penis. Because the ring is tight, it traps blood in the penis, helping maintain a stronger erection for longer. If he's a little on the, ahem, small side, he'll probably like it because they make the penis look and feel bigger. The only problem is, men with smaller penises tend to be premature ejaculators (not very fair, but it's because the penis head has roughly the same amount of nerves, and they're more concentrated over a smaller surface). So consider yourself warned: Since penis rings tend to increase sensitivity, he could orgasm sooner than usual. (Gain some, lose some.) If you want to try one, opt for rubber first (leather is more expensive and metal a bit scary), but make sure it will fit snugly around the penis. Also, don't leave it on for more than 20 minutes, and whatever you do, remove it before you snuggle up for the night.
Vibrating Penis Rings: These are generally made of rubber and have little vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation. In order for them to work effectively he should use a grinding, circular thrusting motion during intercourse, rather than the traditional in-out motion, to keep the little vibrator in as much contact with the clitoris as possible. Despite the extra effort required, they're well worth a try ‑- and inexpensive as well.
Blindfolds: You know what these are and exactly what to do with them! You can make a blindfold out of anything, but fancy ones are good for role-play and dress-up.
Whips and Riding Crops: All used for spanking and not nearly as threatening as you'd imagine, many of these make menacing sounds but land with a whisper-soft touch ‑- perfect for role-play. Riding crops, for example, come in pretty colors, but with a serious expression on your face, you'll be the one in charge.
S & M Gear: Those dangerous-looking studded collars, leather outfits and masks are sometimes enough to send people back out the sex shop door. But if you're intrigued rather than intimidated, start off with some handcuffs or a studded collar. If that really does it for you, then work your way up to the complete leather get-up and serious bondage gear. It can cost a fortune.
Dress-Up Clothes: Nurses' outfits, baby-doll lingerie, one-piece catsuits... They're straight out of the '80s and tons of fun. Be warned, though: You'll pay through the nose for them in a sex shop, and they're not very well made. But if you've got the cash and you like the look of them, why not?
Porn and Erotica: Porn has come a long way since Debbie Does Dallas. While traditional male porn still dominates most video sections, there are many films made by women for women.

Kisses,

Jesse~

Various Sex Fantasies

Someone should have already asked what your sexual fantasy is. And you? Answered coolly, or blushed in embarrassment? Shame? That is right, after all, we are dealing with a subject that is not so exposed, and it is not the same as talking about cuisine.
But though talking about sexual fantasies; it is to talk of a world of intimacy, individuality, of our own life, what upbringing we had, education, our imagination, senses, an array of hankers, prohibitions, whereupon a melting pot of sentiments involved in.
To bear sexual fantasies is absolutely normal, to give it a go, that is, search for fulfillment of what brings on highly erotic and sensual charges to the person, it is by all means normal and even healthy. Healthy. This word deserves relevance; mostly when it comes to sexual fantasies, given the fact that existing factors might be detrimental to matters.
To have sexual fantasies and not discernment between reality and fantasy turns out to be extremely worryingly. To set off on a restless search, with no boundaries, with total disregard to the physical and mental health of your partner, becomes something of dangerous-like dimensions.
And that can happen in those cases which attempt to realize something, in case of a sexual fantasy, with no consent, of the other part involved. When someone’s fantasy is not compatible with the partner’s, there is no atmosphere, dialogue, which enables this person to feel at ease to realize it, unless by means of constrain and violence, by then, we are not talking about sexual fantasies any longer but monstrosities, otherwise.
Sexualfantasies are individual in the first place and as a result of that, should be respected and never forced on for the sake of just one partner’s satisfaction. A couple for instance, might as well have sexual fantasies in common and come to realize them together. on the same token, each might have his/her own fantasy, and that is pretty common, so long as there is intimacy, complicity and dialogue. With an open mind, searching for that so kept concealed in the back of one’s mind, it becomes choice-making rather than necessity or imposition.
However, there should not be forgotten, yet there are those fantasies, which some people prefer to push aside, kept away where our most secret and intimate thoughts lie dormant. A magic mental field spawns all fantasies, and by sheer fluke, needn’t to come into concrete plan, and its healthy to the boot.
One should know that sexual fantasy truly is solely message, which for us comes across to decrypt, to interpret.
It comes sentiment-ridden, of hankers and wishes, embedded in so many semblances. Yet what pops up in our sexual fantasies most often, it is a necessity for affection of those involved in, or even so obtaining that provided effect of the fanciful situation.
The profound aspect of sexual fantasies is that it enables the human being the freedom of experiencing new situations, the freedom of choice, whether eager to fulfill or ditch your fantasies.
Sexual fantasies to live up for, can be highly invigorating, as unique an experience as tasty. Bear with me; don’t go over board and stay within boundaries by respecting common-sense of yours and whoever plays it along willingly. Otherwise, that would not be nice at all.

Kisses,

Jesse~

Get the 411 on Fantasy Sex

You've mastered the sexual basics, and you're ready to up the naughty ante and experiment. But before you introduce the thrill of fantasy to your bedroom, there are three main things you need to know: How to Suggest It
Plan A: Wait until you're both feeling relaxed and intimate, then say you had an amazingly sexy dream last night. Tell your partner what happened in the dream (which is actually your fantasy) and gauge his reaction. The more detail he asks for, the more interested he is in giving it a go. So take his enthusiasm as your cue to confess it's actually been a fantasy of yours for ages.
Plan B: Rent a film with a scene that features or resembles your fantasy. Watch his face as it's playing. Does he look intrigued or horrified? If he's watching avidly, snuggle up sexily and say, 'How sexy is this?' If he's joining in and looking at you mischievously, move in for the kill.

Plan C: Buy your lover a sex book with a fantasy theme as a present. If he's shy, let him read it alone first before asking him to tell you his favourite parts. If he's secure sexually, stick Post-it notes on the pages or pictures that particularly appeal to you.

What If He Rejects Me?
Sharing fantasies is risky business, particularly if they involve extreme sexual behaviour. You might know the sexy story you play in your head (the one with you and the local priest on an altar) is nothing but imaginative fun, but it can sound ominous when spoken out loud. Fantasies are intensely personal and if you've had them for a while, chances are their initial shock value has been diluted. But if a fantasy of yours involves things like sleeping with other men, 'fake rape', some kind of swinging or S&M, you need to accept that your partner could be stunned initially. 'Kinky' and 'perverted' fantasies are commonly used to fuel our imaginations, but it's a rare person who wants it to become reality. Even sharing some fantasies, without any urge but to tell, can be disturbing for some people. So start with 'safe' scenarios, then get increasingly more risque as your comfort level rises.

The Rules
You don't have to translate the fantasy literally; symbolism is often all you need. Have an anal sex fantasy that he's not particularly into? Imagine that's what you're doing while you and your guy are having vaginal sex from behind. The idea is to create enough of the fantasy to indulge your imaginations, so you can pretend it's the real thing.

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  Lavish, expensive toys and costumes aren't necessary, but the more effort you make, the better it usually is. Plus, shopping for props can be a fun part of the naughty anticipation. Also, try using music to set the scene and different rooms of your house to suit various scenarios


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  Try to choose fantasies that appeal to both of you, particularly first time round


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  Work out the scenario together beforehand. Often that's just as much a turn-on as acting it out. You'll also find yourselves taking detours, discovering fresh delights for next time


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  Be specific about how in-character you want each other to be. For some people, slipping back into their usual selves, even for a minute or two, destroys the illusion


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  Don't worry if you laugh. Just keep going and trust that lust will overtake the laughter once you start getting into it


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  Work out an agreed "stop now" signal before starting. Make your 'stop' word something that isn't ever likely to be used as part of the role-play, such as 'orange'


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  Make sure there are no children or flatmates around so your privacy is guaranteed


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  Don't be scared to start the fantasy in public. Some fantasies - like sex with a stranger - lend themselves to the two of you meeting up in a bar before the real action starts


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  Threesomes, foursomes and moresomes frequently end in disaster due to jealousy problems. Role-play instead by inviting a few vibrators and dildos into your bed, along with a blindfold. It feels like you're making love with more than one person, without the consequences of actually doing it
  

Kisses,

Jesse~

Tips for getting frisky on a cold night

1. Play dress up

Nurse outfits, baby-doll lingerie, catwoman suits; the idea of playing dress-up, or fantasy role-playing, turns some women on and makes others roar with laughter. Yes, you do pay through the nose for these outfits at sex shops, and they're not terribly well made but if you have the money and you're game for experimenting, why not?
If you're less than convinced, shift your thinking from traditional (expensive) role-play outfits to simply putting together a sexy, home-spun ensemble. High heels, stockings, long, black, satin gloves and a push-up bra are all you'll need to be totally sexed-up without even feeling (terribly) silly.If you're still too shy to suggest the idea of role-playing, wear the outfit under a little black dress and let him peel off the layers to find the surprise underneath (you can always pull on the gloves afterwards).His 'costume' is simple: No shirt. Jeans with the top button unfastened. Done. That way you can see those sexy 'penis pointer' muscles on his hips!
2. Spank him

Spanking appeals to many people because it falls nicely into the 'kinky, but not too kinky' category. It's naughty enough to spice things up but not so extreme that it leaves a horrible 'Am I weird?' post-sex hangover. Want to give it a whirl? Here's a simple guide:Pick a position. The classic 'you've been a naughty boy' pose is him bent over your knee. But you could also have him stand, lie face down on the bed or kneeling on all fours (save that last one for later, though, since it can feel a bit threatening for a first time).The more fat and muscle a body part has, the harder a strike it can handle. Since the idea of playful spanking is to cause 'pleasant' pain but no damage, those fleshy, gorgeous orbs known as the buttocks are the obvious place to start.Start with your hand for the first spanking session. If you both enjoy it, then you can move onto soft whips, riding crops or paddles. Don't forget to remove any rings or bracelets, though, and use a pumice stone to remove any rough spots on your hands.Decide how long you want the session to last. The longer the session is, the lighter the slaps. Intense spanking should be done only for a short period of time.Wait until he's aroused before attempting your first spank as he'll be far more receptive to erotic pain. So do a lot of kissing and fondling first and run your fingers lightly over his buttocks. Then place one hand on a buttock cheek, the other on the genitals. Start with the cheek closest to you.Your first spank should be more like a caress than a slap. Cup your hand slightly, keep your fingers together and spank in a slightly upward motion. Massage the area for a few seconds afterward and fondle his genitals afterward.Does he look intrigued? Try another spank, then another one and another one about three to five seconds apart. Vary the weight, frequency and placement of the slaps.Now bring out the props you so cleverly hid near the bed: a satin or furry glove or the back of a hairbrush, for example.If you both enjoyed the session, take a trip to a reputable sex shop (or go online) for some implements. Riding crops are an excellent addition to your toy box. They're good for light or heavy strokes and make a sinister swish and slapping sound, which is a nice touch during fantasy scenarios. They look sexy and they're inexpensive.You'll also find an array of whips. Rubber whips look fierce but are incredibly soft. If you want more, choose one made of soft, light leather. Both soft whips and crops are great for teasing. Have him gently poke the tip of the crop against your clitoris or brush the strands of the whip across his thighs. Paddles, broad, hard instruments, are for true devotees. They cause much more pain, and it's hard to judge how hard you're hitting when using one.
3. Have cleavage sex

Men are obsessed with breasts. How's that for stating the obvious? Rather than getting all huffy the next time his head swivels to check out someone else's perky double-Ds, indulge him. Start by stimulating him with manual sex or oral sex. Then lie back, put some lubricant between your breasts, push them together and invite him to thrust between them.Not only will he be awed that you're letting him aim his lethal part straight at your face, he'll never complain about having to sit through Desperate Housewives ever again.Brace yourself and let him ejaculate on you. Oh, come on, semen isn't sulphuric acid, you know! A quick wipe with a strategically placed tissue and it's gone.

4. Get frisky with food

We all love eating, but food is also a versatile sex toy. Smear it, drip it on and lick it off! And you can do better than just whipped cream, honey and ice-cream. Go for avocados, mangoes, berries and bananas.Many foods, with the exception of hot and spicy ones, are safe to smear on the outside of the genitals. But there are definitely some safety precautions. First and foremost, be overly careful about inserting things. Sugary foods can set off yeast infections. Oily foods have a nasty habit of 'eating' through condoms because oil breaks down latex. Never, ever squirt or spray anything into the anus or vagina - not even whipped cream - because it can be dangerous.Food isn't just for smearing, by the way, it's also sexy to actually eat it! Jumping into bed together to devour a tray of decadent goodies is unbeatably hedonistic. Choose bite-size finger foods that look, taste and feel sexy: strawberries, grapes, chocolate, olives and oysters on ice. You can even warm up (and set the mood for a steamy night) by sharing some hot chocolate.

5. Become voyeurs

Escape the cold, the snow and a sexual rut by heading to a local strip club or, better yet, an adult bookstore with a 'peep booth'. Peep booths offer a focused, private place for the two of you to satisfy your voyeuristic urges safely.Typically, you go inside, sit on a stool or bench, put money or a token into a meter and a screen lifts to reveal an exotic dancer putting on a show behind glass. Sometimes you have no control over what she does, whereas other places allow you to request specific acts or dirty talk (for extra cash of course).If it's a private booth - and most are - it's standard for you two to have sex while she does her thing. However, remember that other people have had sex there before you, so pack some baby wipes and an old towel.
Kisses,
Jesse~

Orgasms for beginners

Masturbation is the best way to get to know your own body. Sex therapists agree that intimate knowledge of your own body, and understanding what turns you on, is the key to improving your sex life. As an added bonus, apart from being fun, masturbation is a great health and beauty booster. Did you know that orgasm makes your hair shine and your skin smooth? This is due to the increased production of the hormones oestrogen and testosterone. And these hormones don't only make you glow with health, they also help lower stress and keep your bones and muscles healthy, leaving you feeling inside and out. Worried about those wrinkles? Forget Botox - orgasm gets rid of the tension that constricts blood vessels in the brain, and helps prevent frown lines from deepening. It also releases painkillers into the bloodstream, making it a great cure for period pain and headaches. There are major health benefits, too. Orgasms can extend your life, helping fight cancer and heart disease. The endorphins released stimulate immune system cells called 'natural killer cells' which help combat cancer. Orgasms also boost your circulation, helping the body rid itself of toxins that can make you feel ill. Furthermore, sexual arousal releases a hormone that not only makes your skin glow, but improves your memory and concentration and is also thought to help fight depression.

Increase your orgasm potential

If you've lost the desire for sex, you're not alone. 40 per cent of women suffer from some degree of sexual dysfunction and many more women admit they don't regularly achieve orgasm. There can be medical or psychological reasons for orgasmic dysfunction and, if you're concerned, you should consult a GP. However, getting to know your own body will help you achieve orgasm more easily, both alone and with a partner.

There are four stages of arousal:

Arousal/excitement

Women's nipples and clitoris swell

Plateau

Pulse rate and breathing increases and the skin flushes

Orgasm

Rhythmic contractions through body

Resolution

Your body returns to normal

Many women have problems reaching the climax stage, but regular masturbation can increase your likelihood of orgasm.

Top orgasm tips

Relax

Set the mood by having a bath with essential oils like sandalwood or ylang ylang, renowned for their aphrodisiac qualities. Make sure you've got the house to yourself or are in a room with a lockable door where you won't be disturbed. You may want to have a glass of wine to help you get in the mood, but don't have too much; alcohol inhibits orgasmic function

Engage your mind

Women tend to have a more holistic approach to orgasm; the mind needs to be engaged as much as the body. Put on some music that you find sexy then start thinking erotic thoughts. You may want to remember a particularly arousing experience you've had. Alternatively, there's a plethora of erotica designed for women, like Black Lace books. You may find that a sexy video will help you get in the mood, too

Explore

Don't just go straight for your clitoris. Start by stroking your neck, breasts and anywhere else you enjoy being touched. As you get more aroused, move your hands lower down. Many women find stimulating the pubic mound arousing.

Lubricate

Now move on to your genitals. Lubricant can make things far easier, and there are numerous kinds available, so you should be able to find one that you particularly like. After lubing your fingers, start caressing your clitoris and labia. You may want to slide your fingers inside yourself, but bear in mind that only 25 per cent of women climax through penetration alone. Most women can achieve orgasm far more easily through clitoral stimulation

Try some toys

It's entirely possible to climax by using your fingers alone, but some women enjoy the additional stimulation that a sex aid can produce There are a host of other sex toys out there, and numerous online shops that deliver toys in discreet packaging, so there's no need to be embarrassed about buying a toy.

Kisses,

Jesse~

How to Be a Really Good Kisser

Sensual, sexy lip-to-lip is a lost art for many of us who find ourselves face-to-face with a new amour. And I'd put money on it that jaded pros of French kissing could stand to refine their technique. So let's get right down to the essentials of what will add a French flavor to your lips:
The Timing

The best lovers of the world (who, by the way, are rarely French) are masters of timing. They know how to milk the yearning by barely brushing their lips against yours, and they know precisely when to go in, full-throttled, for the kill. While sense of timing may be a genetically inherited trait shared among musicians, comedians and successful stockbrokers, one can learn the basics by paying close attention your partner's breathing. If he is panting and breathless, experiment with Exhibit A below. If your date has calm and predictable inhalations, give Exhibit B a shot. If your date isn't breathing, call 911. But first, let's review the basics:
The Mechanics

The first rule of French kissing is that every woman has her own style. This style evolves out of a combination of your mouth's unique anatomy, including the length of your tongue and how far your jaw will open, as well as your level of sexual aggression and personal tastes. Regardless, the mechanics are all the same: Tilt your head to one side, part your lips, slip your tongue into your mate's parting lips, then explore what's inside. Breathe through your nose (or your mouth if your nose is stuffy). Once you've got the basic mechanics down, it's time to experiment with technique.

Here are two worthy of experimentation:

Exhibit A (The Lusty French Kiss)

This kiss needs no warm-up. You want your partner and your partner wants you, as evidenced by your collective, animal-like panting. Your tongue is already in his mouth before you realize that you're kissing. But now what? Slowly -- and I mean slowly -- roll your tongue in circles around your partner's. Thrust shallow, thrust deep. Then circle again. Tilt your head to the other side, and repeat. Playfully bite his lower lip, then lick his lips. Try different variations of the above. The combinations are endless.
Exhibit B (The Coy French Kiss)

This kiss needs coaxing, as evident by your partner's mellow breathing. Start with his lips. With the tip of your tongue lick his top lip, then kiss him softly, no tongue. Next, taste his lower lip, then brush both your lips back and forth, and up and down his. Gaze seductively into your partner's eyes -- eye contact usually helps rev up the respiratory system. Next, add a little panting and moaning to your efforts. Finally, ease your tongue between his lips, slipping in and out. Continue in this coy manner until you reach the point where the lusty French kiss takes over (see above). Then alternate between the coy and lusty kisses. You see, variety and surprise are what ultimately make a French kiss more than just a kiss.

Kisses,

Jesse~

3 Strategies to Revive Your Sex Life

There's no getting around it; sex is a vital part of most marriages. So what happens when one or more parties lose interest -- or never had it to begin with? Research says these unions are more likely to fail. (After money, sex is the number one reason couples divorce.) But it doesn't have to get that far. In her book The Sex-Starved Marriage, Michele Weiner Davis suggests three strategies for improving your sex life and preserving your relationship.The Do-It-Yourself SolutionNo matter how much your spouse loves you or wants to please you, s/he might never have the same sex drive as you. Therefore, it's unreasonable for you to expect your spouse to be at your beck and call every time you feel sexual. You need to take responsibility for satisfying your own needs from time to time. In all likelihood, you are already doing this, and you don't need me to tell you to do it. However, you might be feeling resentful about it, and that's not fair. Although it is my hope that your spouse will invest more energy into your sexual relationship, there will still be times when you're ready to roll and s/he isn't. That's normal, and you need to accept it. As long as your spouse is making more of an effort to understand and care for you and your needs, you need to work harder at accepting your differences. And part of this acceptance entails taking care of yourself occasionally and feeling fine about it. This will be easier for you to do once you truly feel your spouse cares about you and your feelings. And hopefully, if that isn't happening already, it will, very soon.Variety Is the Spice of LifePerhaps your sex life has become routine. Boredom is an industrial-strength sexual desire dampener. Even the most highly sexed person can begin to feel ho-hum about sex if it's always the same old thing. If this rings true of your sexual relationship, it might be time for you to try to spice things up a bit. You need to be creative to avoid sexual boredom. Try a new location, rent a hotel room, experiment with new positions, buy new lingerie, rent a sexy video, try a hot bath, candles and a massage. Cast your inhibitions to the wind.Kellie complained that she was losing desire because she was having trouble feeling aroused. It took her considerably longer to have an orgasm, and when she did, it wasn't as strong as orgasms had been in the past. She found herself feeling more and more disinterested each time her husband approached her. She wondered if it was because of her age -- she was fifty-two -- and whether she should consider taking hormone supplements.Kellie was menopausal, and it was entirely possible that biological causes were at the root of her sexual difficulties and lack of desire. However, I also wondered about the quality of her sexual relationship with her husband. Kellie confessed to feeling bored. Their lovemaking had become routine and unexciting. Because her mind would drift during their sexual encounters, she found it challenging to maintain feelings of arousal.I suggested that she talk to her husband about her feelings and for them to plan ways to introduce some novelty into their time together. Kellie discussed what had turned her on in the past -- dressing up, varied positions and locations in their home -- and agreed to start doing that again. When Kellie returned that following week, she reported that she had no problems with arousal. She had several strong orgasms, just like in the good old days. Apparently, getting out of their sexual rut was just what the doctor ordered.If All Else Fails, Be Brutally HonestI've worked with countless couples where one spouse was so dissatisfied with their sexual relationship that eventually s/he decided to have an affair or leave the marriage. You might be thinking of these alternatives too. Affairs and divorce are lousy solutions. Even if an affair satisfies you temporarily (and it might; newness is a great aphrodisiac), it will only create more problems in the long run. Although an affair can serve as a wake-up call to the low-desire spouse, you can't always count on this. Affairs can also destroy your marriage. And even if your marriage survives, the pain an affair causes is immeasurable.Divorce isn't a good solution either. It destroys families forever. Plus, if you run from your problems rather than work them out, you might find a more sexually compatible spouse, but since no relationship is problem free, you'll find yourself with a new set of problems in no time flat. The grass truly isn't greener on the other side, even if the other side is more sexually attractive.However, as the more highly sexed person, you might be at the end of your rope. You might be fantasizing about someone else or about packing your bags and leaving. Before you decide to have an affair or leave, I implore you to make sure your spouse knows in no uncertain terms the seriousness of the situation. Make certain s/he understands what will happen if nothing changes. Don't threaten in the heat of an argument. Don't say nasty things. Don't blame. Don't criticize. Just tell your spouse calmly (or write a letter) that because of the differences in your sexual appetite, you are so unhappy that you are considering doing something you really don't want to do. Spell out what you've been thinking about. Tell your spouse that this is not a threat, but that you are so desperate, you don't know what else to do. Ask your partner one more time to seek help. Then wait and see what happens.
Kisses,
Jesse~